Marriage is a great responsibility.
When people are young, everyone is seeking to find someone to be attached to, to find their “match”. I also wanted to meet someone, who would understand me and share my values, spend time together and create a family. Many people feel this is accomplished by cohabitation (living together before marriage). They think that they need to try out the relationship first. Research shows that even the commitment that people make by marrying is a power that unites families and motivates people to work on their marriage, I did not imagine all responsibility and challenges of creating couple’s relationship and raising children. I and husband we just started this journey together, climbing step by step and not knowing what will expect us at the next corner. Even I had in my background a divorce of my parents I had a belief that I will have a good and lasting marriage.
There were and still happen some moments when it seems that it would be easier “to escape”. But we have made a covenant with each other and with the Lord, that we will endure happily to the end. I know what kind of marriage I would like and I have the determination to work on that, at the first, on my own weakness. Marriage for me is a school to improve myself and mature. And I know that my partner also striving to do the best he understands. We have a lot in common, but we are different. And this is good, we can add something different to our union and learn one from another.
Some people are thinking that if they have problems in their marriage, it would be much easier to get divorced and married to another person. It seems for me like to achieve the fifth grade and then to start again from the first grade. Researches found that most of the partners are divorced with the intent to find more happiness in the marriage even when they do not have a very conflicting marriage. Another research shows that two out of three unhappy married adults who avoided divorce reported being happily married five years later. I found that we can grown as personalities and as a couple by humbling and overcoming difficulties. It helps us even become more closer and happier. Dallin H. Oaks wrote a great article about marriage and divorce. He said that, “for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce, but repentance… not incompatibility, but selfishness.” Of course, there could be situations when divorce is necessary, when marriage is damaging for personality in a long–term period.
I have observed the effects of divorce in our extended family. It is a very painful process for adults who are involved, but it is more painful and has long-lasting negative effects (stress and depression) on the children. Especially, when separated parents continue arguing and conflicting. Children need help. I like the idea of school (6 weeks course) for children to overcome the effects of divorce.
I can see how people in my society need knowledge about creating and maintaining a close relationship, talking about emotions and needs, and listening, managing conflicts and cooperating. I would introduce classes for young adults, married couples and parents. Unfortunately, people realize the lack of these skills too late if at all have the motivation to improve. I wish I would have these kind of classes at high school or at University. I would avoid some mistakes in relationships and my children would be healthier. I wish I would understand the value of these knowledge when I was young. But it is not late to learn in all ages. Our prophets teach, that families will be eternal and our family roles will be eternal. Improving our partnership and parenting skills are lifelong and eternal tasks.
Great article!
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