How to create healthy relationships with In-Laws?
It is so important to built
spouses relationships and start their own family traditions and put boundaries.
"Certainly a now-married man should cleave unto his wife in faithfulness,
protection, comfort, and total support, but in leaving father, mother, and
other family members.” It was difficult for my own family at the beginning
because we studied in another city, but during summers we lived together with
my husband’s family. "Couples do well to immediately find their own
home, separate and apart from that of the in-laws on either side. The
home may be very modest and unpretentious, but still it is an independent
domicile....It is important for couples to develop their own traditions and
have time together on special occasions. Parents can help by genuinely
not pressuring their grown children to be at every family gathering, even
though they will be missed."
"...it is important for couples to
develop their own traditions and have time together on special occasions.
Parents can help by genuinely not pressuring their grown children to be at
every family gathering, even though they will be missed."
“ Implicit and explicit family rules
were influenced our own new family. My mother in law was specially unaware of
our family boundaries, Even when we started to live separately she could decide
to come to our kitchen without asking and make pancakes for my children. I felt
that I have to protect our new family. I explained to her own family rules, for
example, that in my kitchen I decided what to prepare and when, and I would
like to ask me permission, She did not like this. I would not like to hurt
her, but identity of my family and my role as parent and a spouse was
more important for me. After many years she have accepted our family boundaries
and we have good relationship. “It was never intended that they now be
ignored, abandoned, shunned or deserted. They are still family, a great
source of strength.”
These quotes are from "Creating
Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families" by James Harper and
Susanne Olsen.
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